guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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