I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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