I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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