And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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