I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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