the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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