found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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