id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
