he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
