i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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