I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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