So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
