If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
