mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
