Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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