Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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