Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
