Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
