ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
