Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
