you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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