My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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