the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
