Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
