how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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