I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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