just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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