4 words: hood of his car
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
