I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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