I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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