Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
