I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
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