i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
