if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
