so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
