I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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