You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he thought i was a dude.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
