i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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