and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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