somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
