i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
