I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
