I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
