Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
