Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
