If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
