Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
