nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
