Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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