ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize