I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
