I wannas sexs uuuuu
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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