i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
