Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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