Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
