I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
