I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
