I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
