we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
