everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
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So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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