If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize