just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She announced her abortion via fbk
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
